Tips On Co Parenting With A Toxic Ex
It is hectic to deal with a toxic ex, more so when it comes to co-parenting, no matter how flexible or firm you are. You keep on trying hard, now and then, to be that bigger person, or just let your kindness change them, but ultimately all fails. The bottom-line is that you can’t co-parent with a toxic ex!
To help you on dealing with your toxic ex, I have provided some tips on co-parenting with a toxic ex in this article.
Easy Ways To Co-Parent With Your Toxic Ex
1. Identify The Dynamic And The Cycle As Well
Try as much as possible to identify their communication patterns, for instance, identify how frequent their back and forth communication cycle is. Are you reactive? What tends to make things more complicated between you and your ex?
Are you prone to anxiety? If yes, when and what accelerates it? What are you always afraid of? Failing as a parent? Ask yourself these and more questions to try and identify how your ex has manipulated you into believing that you must engage to protect your kids and yourself. Identify if these fears are logical at all.
Whatsoever, let it out by crying and writing down all the facts, where you at, and what you ought to do to change the cycle.
2. Set Your Rules
There is a need to establish new boundaries, for instance, only communicate via email or a parenting portal which are admissible in court. These have receipts too and your toxic ex can’t claim that they didn’t get your messages.
Blok them on social media, add more privacy settings, and don’t nag them with texts. Establishing a set of rules for yourself is vital; how often you need to check the texts and how long you will wait before responding. Avoid giving in to triangulation.
Make rules for when you will answer calls to the child. Be reasonable as well as tactful, but keep the rules to yourself don’t share them with your toxic ex.
3. File A Court Order
If you already don’t have one it is the high-time you went and got yourself one. Before you face the judge be sure of what you want, you need to plan what you will need in it. Without a plan you will just get a standardized agreement that won’t help you so much.
Standardized plans are for parents who can co-parent, not for toxic relationships! Go step by step on formulating one, and keep in mind how your toxic ex can use any stipulations to further their control on you. One that doesn’t provide your ex with room for interpretation, avoid getting an order with plenty of grey areas that will facilitate disaster in the future.
4. Be Ready Always, Your Toxic Ex Will Break It!
Document all their misbehaving as per the court order, don’t confront them at all, and just take the notes quietly. Build a strong case against them, and at the right time take them back to court.
Push for sanctions and fight for that sole custody, more importantly, take a third party to facilitate the communication. For instance, the toxic ex can see the children via Counseling Monitored Visits.
Put your kids’ needs first, but create perfect and healthy boundaries, because children need their both parents always.
5. Just Enjoy Living Your Life
You deserve some happiness each and every other day! Go for that fun and pleasure, make as many mistakes as you can, since you are allowed to make some along the way. Find some room to grow away from that toxic ex! Don’t always try to be that perfect parent or person, don’t let life stifle you at all, or the version your ex wants you to be.
You may also see; More on Parenting Advice
You can’t fix that toxic ex, so stop making any effort in fixing that, instead focus the power inwards. Help your mental health and growth, go for counseling if you need some, and practice true self-care.
Additional Ways To Co-parent With A Toxic Ex Include;
- Be ready for them to drag you through so much mud.
- Don’t engage whenever your toxic ex tries to compete with you.
Characteristics Of Toxic Exes
Your ex only needs to tick 5 of the following characteristics for them to be considered narcissist.
- They have a grandiose sense of importance.
- Your ex is pre-occupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.
- That toxic ex believes that they are special and unique; and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people on institutions.
- Have need for excessive admiration.
- Interpersonally exploitative behavior.
- Don’t empathy at all.
- Full of envy for other or a belief that other people envy them.
- Demonstrate arrogance and haughty behaviors or attitudes.
You can still co-exist with your toxic ex simply by following more of these tips in here.